When you wanna bang
and can't find a condom. So you run up the stairs to the living room and ask your grandma to knit
you some protection. She doesn't know
what the hell you're talking about, so you run out to the garage and dump all the potatoes out of the burlap sack that
your Grandpa keeps
You grab some scissors and cut out a funnel-shaped piece and rush
back down to the basement
where the slut
is already waiting for you.
You wrap the Burlap Sack piece around your Johnson and start moving towards her.
She freaks out and wakes up your whole household. The next weekend
you're moving into your own apartment and figuring
out how to get a job.
Conversation Held in the basement:
You: "Alright baby, I got a condom. Let's get busy!"
Her: "Lando, how about little fucking romance you piece
? Ain't you never been
You: "Yeah, but you're really hot and...
Her: "Wait wait wait! WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?"
You: "Nothing. Alright, you want some
Her: "Seriously, what the fuck is that thing? Let's see that shit
. What the fuck? What is that wrapped around your
You: "ok, it's a condom."
Her: "It is not, what is it?"
You: "Fine, it's a piece
of burlap sack condom - listen, it's the best I could-
Her: "You crazy nigger. Do you really think that you're gonna
stick that fucking potatoey-smelling, nigga-brand nappy head motha-fucking shit
storm in my fucking snatch? THAT'S IT LANDO! YOU TAKE YOUR
STARWARS CLOUD CITY
MOTHER FUCKING SELF
AND GET THE FUCK OFF ME. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"
Grandma: "Chile? Wha-whas go'n on down thah? Is you trying to fuck one of them sluts down there again? Charlie? Get yo' good fo' nothing self
down heah' and see what yo' lazy-assed
grandson is trying to do to the ho down in our house"
Grandpa: "That's it, Lando. I've had enough of this. First you're running around
snortin' cocaine and hittin the neighbours with lightsabers, and now this. OUt with ya. I want you out by morning!"